Keeping with tradition: Somebody tell us a joke

Ex-Pongo

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A cop pulled me over whilst driving. He said “why can I smell alcohol on your breath!?” I replied: “because your not the required safe distance away!”
If I could love this statement, I would.
 

jonny

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And while on that subject; this little summary of French language oddities might be of some interest to its students:

Without further ado, we present to you some of our favorite French phrases and idioms that will have you cracking up

1. “Avoir le cafard”
The French have a funny way of showing sympathy. The phrase literally translates to – have the cockroach. And all we wanted to imply was to- be down in the dumps or have the blues!

2. “Casser les oreilles”
Breaking the ears is what it literally means. We use this commonly with reference to loud or harsh noise, bad singers or a nagging people. To make the picture clearer we mean highly irritating.

3. “C’est la fin des haricots”
When translated this simply means, the end of the beans. Yes, you guessed correctly. We do want to say the last straw in English or that’s the end of it. Don’t judge us, we take our love for beans very seriously!

4. “Donner sa langue au chat”
This means to give your tongue to the cat although we mean to give up guessing an answer. Honestly, don’t give your tongue to the cat to understand the logic behind this one. 😉

5. “Boire comme un trou”
This phrase means to drink like a hole and is supposed to mean to drink a lot, like a bottomless well. We, the French probably were drinking like a hole when we came up with the phrase.

6. “Devenir chêvre”
On a serious note, this stands for to become a goat. However, in plain English we mean to be driven mad and this phrase is said to have derived inspiration from goats and their short fuse.

7. “Les carottes sont cuites”
It literally means the carrots are cooked, but we say run simply because the speaker means that the outcome of the situation cannot be changed!

8. “Arrête ton char!”
You could feel really royal if you took this one for its literal meaning which is to stop your chariots. However, you are basically being told to stop bluffing. Nothing royal about that one. 😉

9. “Poser un lapin”
Someone was probably looking at a rabbit hole to escape when this phrase was thought of. Literal translation gives you to leave a rabbit, while actually meaning to stand someone up.

10. “Zut alors!”
Surprisingly, this phrase has no literal translation. Why then did we bring this up? Because the phrase means holy smokes or darn! What better way to conclude the list than with a darn!

Every language has its own weirdness and funny little nuances that give it a unique charm. French, is no different. These phrases and other idioms and slangs can not only give you a good laugh, but will help you hone your French as well.

And it’s a shame the Petite Caporal can not come up with some other colourful French expressions. (I understand he is busy checking out the Kronenbourg virus as we speak. )Let’s wish him success with that one!

But perhaps someone else?
 
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jonny

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My favorite is “Quand les poules auront des dents”, literal translation “When hens grow teeth”.
Meaning: obvious
Hi, thanks for your contribution, but I think its meaning is “it will never happen”.
 

Joseph Cosgrove

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So Chas, has just turned 81 but decides in spite of it all he still wants to get another job. The day after the confinement is lifted he sees a sign , wanted ex-military for customer advice on the front desk.
When he turns up for the job interview wearing a smart suit and his cerimonial RMs tie, the interview goes so well that the mangaer says that if he get's his hair cut he can start the next day.
So on his way home Chas splashes out and gets himself a set of hair clippers.
The next day Chas turns up late by 10 mins. The 2nd day he turns up late again. This goes on for a week until finally the manager calls Chas into the office.
"Chas, you're an excellent worker and sales have gone up since you've arrived, but you're never on time." then seeing the ever proud Chas looking slightly crest fallen, he adds "I know that you're retired and all that, but what would they have said to you if you'd turned up at the Royal Marines 5 minutes late?"
Chas without hesitation answers: "Good morning, captain, Sir".

(It may be a bit clearer if you read the chit chat thread first.)
 
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Le petit caporal

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Q. What do you call some one / thing with out a birth certificate?
A. Un poisson pané (pas né)
 

Joseph Cosgrove

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:unsure:
Reactions:echoscar

let me try and explain LPC's extremely witty joke to you:
You can say that a "girl's maiden name" or you can say (for example) "Mrs Little, Née Hepburn). It can be equally used for stars who have changed their their names Marilyn Monroe, Née Norma Jeane Mortenson (it was her mother was was called Baker).
Anyway back to LPC's joke: what do you call someone or something without a birth certificate?
un poisson (a fish) - get ready- pané (bread crumbed)! Now here is the beauty of the joke Pas né translated from French to English means: Not born !
:ROFLMAO::love::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO:

Actually LPC, I'd keep the jokes in English.
 
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