Keeping with tradition: Somebody tell us a joke

[jonny]

The Irish Navy

The caporal’s nose?

 

[Fingolfin]

Did you guys hear the recent discovery? Scientists have finally determined where exactly the human soul exists within our bodies. It would seem that the human soul resides only within the Y-Chromosome.

 

[sexpert]

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

 

[sexpert]

This must be a wind up ?? but hey Joe we can still re-join. you could be back in the kitchen and i am your apprentice

Rejoiner - British Army Jobs

More information for those thinking of rejoining the Army either as a Regular or Reserve

apply.army.mod.uk

as long as you´re under 57 !!

 

[dusaboss]

This must be a wind up ?? but hey Joe we can still re-join. you could be back in the kitchen and i am your apprentice

Rejoiner - British Army Jobs

More information for those thinking of rejoining the Army either as a Regular or Reserve

apply.army.mod.uk

as long as you´re under 57 !!

Don't see that working. Joe hates kitchen and bodybuilding.

 

[Joseph Cosgrove]

This must be a wind up ?? but hey Joe we can still re-join. you could be back in the kitchen and i am your apprentice

Rejoiner - British Army Jobs

More information for those thinking of rejoining the Army either as a Regular or Reserve

apply.army.mod.uk

as long as you´re under 57 !!

As Dusa points out (roughly anyway), there is no way that I would go back to working in the kitchens. I'd just come back from my third Norway deployment, my ex-girlfriend was pregnant, by someone else. I was at the train station waiting to go up to Arbroath, Scotland to rejoin my regiment 59 RE Ind commando. The train was delayed and I was sitting there outside a pub watching some parade go by 1st of May and I thought no-way am I going to go back up and work in the kitchens.
When I was doing my basic in Aldershot, St Omer barracks, I had requested for a transfer to the RMs -no can do. So at the end of basic I volunteered for the Paras or the commandos, thinking that it would be different, To cut a long story short, instead of returning to RM Condor barracks, I turned up at Fort de Nogent LE.
Nothing against body builder, Dusa.

 

[sexpert]

So at the end of basic I volunteered for the Paras or the commandos, thinking that it would be different, To cut a long story short, instead of returning to RM Condor barracks, I turned up at Fort de Nogent LE.

You Bad boy Joe
Well you got some Action 2years in the jungle. A hard Posting i think

 

[Le petit caporal]

Just as well je deleted his post

 

[Perun]

A man was fishing in the sea, and caught a golden shark that will grant him one wish. A man, after long thinking says
I want my d3ck so long to hang to the floor.
Golden shark says ok, and bites of his legs...

Careful what you wish for....

 

[sexpert]

What’s the difference between hungry and horny?

“Where you stick the cucumber.”

 

[sexpert]

What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
Beat it. We’re closed.

 

[Le petit caporal]

Q. Why was Jésus not born in France
A. They couldn't find 3 wise men and a Virgin

 

[Le petit caporal]

Q. Why do the french eat snails
A. They do not like Fast food

 

[Bags]

Q. Why was Jésus not born in France
A. They couldn't find 3 wise men and a Virgin

I actually had a mouthful of tea in my gob when I read that!! how the heck I managed to NOT blow my laptop up I'll never know!! lmao at that joke!!
Bags

 

[Bags]

I thought the first answer was funny until I saw the last one!! haha!! x

 

[Bags]

 

[Perun]

....
"Being quarantined at home, is not a problem. Only thing bothering me at the moment is : how come, that in one package of rise (1kg) there is 2811 grains of rise, and 2944 in another?.
...
An add: "Divorced, with healthy supply of flour, pasta and oil - looking for a woman with a stock of toilet paper and soap".
...
A sign in fast food shop's window: "Dear customers, if you feel like the taste of our food has changed - we inform you that our employees have recently started to wash their hands".

 

[Joseph Cosgrove]

I was going to post this under the Kro 19 thread, but unless you follow the French news you probably will not know who Pr. Didier Raoult* is:

Loose translation:
A plane carrying 5 passengers en board, Trump, the Pope, Professor Raoult, Macron and a 10yr old school kid.
The plane is about to crash and there are only 4 parachutes aboard.
Trump declares "I need one I have to save the US"
He takes one and jumps.
The Pope declares "I need one I have to save the catholic Church."
He takes one and jumps.
Macron Declares "I am the most intelligent person in France"
He takes one and jumps.
Pr. Raoult turns the school kid and says you "you can have the last 'chute. I've lived my life [to the full] yours has only just begun."
The 10 yr old answers "no need to worry. There are still two parachutes left. The most intelligent person in France took my school satchel"

*Didier Raoult is a French physician and microbiologist. He holds MD and Ph.D. degrees and specializes in infectious diseases. In 1984, Raoult created the Rickettsia Unit at Aix-Marseille University.

Source: Les Echos
EXCLUSIVE Coronavirus: Didier Raoult slams the door of Macron's Scientific Council
The boss of the IHU Méditerranée Infection defied the majority opinion of his peers by opening his establishment to the massive screening of Covid-19 and the hydrochloroquine treatment of "febrile patients". Several hundred Marseillais are still lining up in front of the institute on Tuesday.

 

[jonny]

And a classic joke: Dont mention the War!

 

[dusaboss]

This Venezuelan Patrol Ship Sunk Itself After Ramming A Cruise Liner With A Reinforced Hull

The Venezuelan ship appears to have been trying to seize the cruise ship, which is designed to safely sail through icy waters.

www.thedrive.com